Minneapolis (MN) - There’s much to be said about the power of a bark vs. bite, as well as the tone that is set when the opposing team’s dog poops on third base before the start of the game. The team worried it was a symbolic display of their losing streak, but on a night dominated by cute puppies and birthdays, the party was just getting started. Breaking Balls put together its most gutsy performance at the Creek with a late rally led by birthday boy Tony Van Den Einde.
With four consecutive hits late in the game, Balls pushed for a heroic comeback generated by Lindsey Frey’s speedy base running. Determined to keep the inning alive, she outran throw after throw on the bases. But like the extinguished candles on the team’s birthday cake, the team blew its sixth-consecutive game, 3-7.
The result has led to rumblings in the front office that Coach Manchester could be replaced at season’s end. Contesting the rumor and its implications, the team has issued a statement highlighting its appreciation for the coach’s unwavering optimism to end the regular season on a win. The fans, too, continue to cheer the possibilities for this team, deeming them the “Lovable Losers” and encouraging its no-quit attitude.
“They’re fun and entertaining to watch,” stated a local fan enthusiastically, “But sometimes it’s frustrating to see the fumbles in the field, the consistent pop-up kicks at the plate and other points of obvious discombobulation, like that woman who showed up wearing the wrong jersey.”
Lucky for the fans, discombobulated and entertaining go hand-in-hand, and the team brought both in full last night. Van Den Einde made short work of the opposition in the field, drilling an all-star member of One Kick Wonders as he attempted to steal third after an overthrow at second base. The shear force of Van Den Einde’s throw left the runner hobbling back to the bench. The play and others demonstrated his amazing range at shortstop, the flail of his long arms unhindered in their quickness despite his near senior-citizen-aged league status. The opponents grew frustrated as Van Den Einde eliminated kick after kick with out after out. At times, comments such as “Is it raining yet?” or “I didn't know they stacked s**t that high!” rang out in attempts to distract Ball’s tallest player. He responded with a coolly stated, “There won’t be any fork near this guy’s birthday cake tonight.”
While the team’s inconsistent play in the field continues to be detrimental, they still found ways to dazzle the crowd. In the third, Frey fielded a ball up the middle in an attempt to relay the ball for the force play at second. As the runner approached the base, both Van Den Einde and outfielder
Matt Rodgers attempted to cover the base. All three players fumbled the transition, but the ball—driven with its own homing missile-like intention—still found its own way onto the base, bouncing off the runner’s ankle and resulting in a controversial “out” call by the ump.
Behind the plate, the team’s right-fielder Trish McCabe shined, reaching base on three consecutive attempts in the game. “Great placement was the key. She was out there celebrating my birthday with even more fist pumping than me,” described teammate and birthday girl Heather Hurd.
Tonight’s sixth-inning stretch was replaced with a rendition of “Happy Birthday” in honor of Van Den Einde and Hurd.
“Guys, they even put candles on the cake, it was so nice,” described the birthday girl, upon being presented with an honorary birthday cake by the team.
In other announcements:
The league has fined Tamatha Schei, the team’s third baseman for a uniform violation. Schei chose to play in the team’s orange “Go Team Fish” away jersey during the home game. She will be fined a week’s pay and has been asked to bring in donuts on Friday to bury the unrest in the clubhouse. “Whoopsie,” commented Schei in response to the uniform violation. Coach Manchester chimed in on her violation, “I’m a big fan of chocolate cream-filled donuts from Cub Foods. That’s all I have to say about that.”
General Manager Andrew Sikora announced a short-term partnership with IKEA. Scratch-offs will be handed out at next week’s game, with opportunity to save as much as 50% off dual purchases of candles and bedroom sets.
When asked about the upcoming playoffs, the coach sounded off. “What’s that? Ah — playoffs? Don’t talk about — playoffs? You kidding me? Playoffs? I just hope we can win a game!”
Next game: June 3rd, 6pm @ Bassett’s Creek Valley Park Field #2 vs Drunk Like a Skunk. Get your popcorn ready!