Minneapolis (MN) - The chants of “Andy” rang out through the Forgotten Fields of Minneapolis Tuesday night, as King Andrew Sikora showcased his gifted base-running skills, turning a simple single into an unforgettable inside-park home run. Determined to impress his girlfriend before their "Game of Thrones" date night, Sikora slipped past countless Just for Kix’s fielders on his mad dash home. And much like George R.R. Martin's propensity for killing his characters hopes and dreams, the team will have to tune in next week to try and pick up its first victory, as it fell to the Kix’s, 7-17.
Motivated by bench coach Dan Fisher, Breaking Balls started off strong behind Sikora’s performance and scored in the first two innings. But the beer started to take over, unable to counterpunch the on-slot of runs in the 3rd by Just for Kix, who opened up a seven-run lead. “I’ve stopped a lot of balls in my day, but there were a few too many sneaking by,” said Schei, describing on the on-slot of runs. “It brought me back to my ole Browerville days, playing the field.” Schei continued her strong defensive play, knocking down numerous ball smacked in her direction. Defensive lapses seemed to be the difference in the game, with the lack of focus in the field coming under fire.
In her post-game protein meal, right-center fielder Christy Brown admitted her lack of protein before the game may have led to her misjudging a ball in the field. “Yeah, I could tell she was distracted and lacked energy. Her vertical jump was non-existent on that play," stated Coach Manchester, who took over in center field midway through the game. She definitely looked more energized after her cool down protein fix.”
Balls pushed for a late rally led by Laura Smith, whose two-out single in the sixth brought home scoring runs, one from Krzmarzick, who dodged and ducked past flying balls on his way to home. The play seemed to be inspired by Sikora's efforts. When asked if Sikora's style was rubbing off on him, Krzmarzick replied, “Heck yeah it was! We take chances!” But the rally stalled out after another horrible call by the ump and stretched the team’s Laffy Taffy-like losing streak to five games.
“We were in it. A play here and there, it’s a different game. If we only had a tall guy on our team, we’d be able to stand up to our competition,” stated the determined coach. The comment seemed to a jab at the team’s part-time player, Tony Van Den Einde, who was last seen girl-friending around in the Twin Cities. “It was his first anniversary with this girlfriend, so he gets a free pass this week,” explained team GM Sikora. “We look forward to having him back next week.”
Congratulations to this week’s MVP Dan Fisher for winning the Lifetime Supply of Ramen*, courtesy of Dan Fisher. Dan led the team in beers drank during the six-inning game, with a total of four.
The team has announced its re-negotiated the contract of super-jock Derek Wallen. The terms of the agreement allow Wallen to play games this summer and exempts him from drug testing for organic foods.
Next week has been slated as Co-Ed Night at the Park. Free beer will be available to any fan who attends the game. Chugging contests will be encouraged between innings at home plate. In addition, there will be a southern drawl accent competition, judged by the legend himself, Ed Forbes. Competitors will have to provide a birth certificate north of the Mason-Dixon line to enter.
*Lifetime Supply of Ramen equals to one case, as it’s hazardous to your health if consumed in larger quantities.