Minneapolis (MN) - In a surprise off-season move, Breaking Balls' super-jock Derek Wallen was traded to Lifetime Fitness in exchange for slightly used exercise equipment and ten waterslide seasonal passes. The team agreed to include an undisclosed amount of men's Umbro short shorts, Levi's skinny jeans and Carhartt flannels.
In a press release, Wallen thanked ownership and hi teammates for a magical run and stated his time with the team was one he'd never forget. "I couldn't have worked for a better group of owners. My teammates are the best in the business. It's a bittersweet feeling, but I look forward to the new opportunity ahead."
The team acted swiftly to replace Wallen by calling up prospect and college softball legend Kierra Jeffers. "The pieces are in place," described optimist manager Manchester. "Wallen was an outstanding individual and will be missed. And while some might say we got "stone-Wallened" in the deal, I believe with Jeffers and a more committed Van Einde, we'll be a dynamic kickball team." The team will look to ride its one-game winning streak into the spring season.
In other news, team owner Forbes was recently spotted at local hotspot Pizza Luce. Reports in recent months had suggested the owner has lost a significant amount of weight, but his actions would suggest otherwise. An undisclosed witness suggested Forbes devoured two slices of pizza, a plate of extra-crisply wings, and somewhere around six beers while claiming he's Luce's true "Number One Customer." Local Harry Underwood has held the honor for years.
The team announced it's looking in a name change and rebrand to generate new revenue. More details to follow.